Eventually I gave up and went to a job fair. I had always looked down on Job Fairs. It was where the losers and the hopeless went. Well I felt like both of those more often than not during some point in the day. I printed off copies of my resume. That was weird in itself. Putting on a tie only compounded it. I couldn't even remember how to tie it correctly at first. My suit still fit. I was losing weight which was good until the little voice inside my head said "Of course you are. You don't have a job dumbass."
My car was still there. That was a good sign. I had a missed last months payment. Traffic was lighter than usual on Route 7. I saw that as another positive sign. I was looking for omens, signs, and anything encouraging I could think of. Trying to psych myself up for this. Getting on my game face. Emanating good vibes. Smiling a winning, confident smile. I felt like throwing up.
My heart sank when I pulled up and saw the line. This turnout for what was being called an IT Career Fair? Oh, I was so screwed. Yes I was. I got of the car anyway. No one smiled or greeted me. I was just another threat to them being able to afford to eat. I thought I recognized a couple people but they looked away when they saw me.
I got into line and stared at the back of the head of the man in front of me. He was easily 40 years old. Maybe older. He had colored his hair black. I didn't understand why men did that. It always looked like they colored their hair and it screamed "I'm getting old and I don't want you to notice!" I knew it was petty but I was glad to see it. One less person to deal with.